Find your own path

There is no one true path, I talked about this in my last post. There is however your own path. Or as my partner puts it “be yourself as hard as you can”. Sometimes it is confusing because you can’t see the path ahead. I’ve used brown for the path, grey for mist and white for clouds. The other colours are far less symbolic. The canvas in 100 x 75 cm.

find-your-own-path-detail

Fog over the path ahead

My path

I’ve spent a lot of time with my path obscured. My path has gone something like this. At eight I wanted to be a archaeologist. I was also first diagnosed with learning disabilities at eight. While I was a teen I still wanted to be archaeologist but expected to end up with an office job.

I enrolled in a Arts/ComputerScience degree from 2004. Mum had nagged me about doing an engineering degree – mum claims she just wanted me to look at a wide range options. I have three different relatives who trained as engineers. I knew I couldn’t do a engineering degree but mum got me worried about vocational training. I only did first year computer science. I was still thinking about becoming an archaeologist until I watched friends burn out doing post graduate work. I still loved my history major (second major in Japanese language) and the social life with other geeks during university years.

2005 onward.

Several things happened in 2005, I took a fall, I had glandular fever, I moved  out of home and left Christianity. The fall damaged a ligament that wasn’t treated for several months and will have helped cause the fibromyalgia that I’ve had since roughly 2010. I also started treatment for anxiety and depression. By 2007 I was identifying as a Kemetic Neo-pagan.

In 2008 I finished my arts degree and attempted a DipEd. I enjoyed the coursework but within three days of placement I was feeling suicidal. When the faculty asked me politely to leave, I was relieved. I did eighteen months with a job placement service for people with disabilities. In a last ditch effort to run away from myself I enrolled in a graduate diploma of accounting. I had a lover at the time who gave me a kick in the ass about my creativity and why wasn’t I an artist? That was the end of studying accounting. Since then I’ve worked through different mediums as I explored what suited me.

When you can't see the terrain you're going through,

When you can’t see the terrain you’re going through,

My brother’s path.

Comparatively my brother’s path was straight forward. He started with counting his matchbox cars by two prior to starting kindergarten. By grade four he was doing maths extension which continued through school. He took a gap year where he worked in cafes because year twelve had left him severely burnt out. He did a degree in Commerce/Science.  He’s been an accountant since he finished uni and has since finished his chartered accountancy. This year he’s started a Masters in Tax.

On being different.

If I’ve learnt anything about being different from the path that brought me here, it is this life is more pleasant when you revel in being different than trying to conform. My parents knew I was different from when I was a toddler but encouraged me to conform which made things worse. But mum believes the rules are there for a reason and dad only wants to keep the peace at home.